My first intercultural conflict did not happen in school, contrary to the belief that it is probably the first time children of different races get to actively interact. My first intercultural conflict occurred at home, on the kitchen table, with my family's foreign domestic helper. I shall address her as 'auntie' Sumami. Before I begin, I would first like to thank her for being my first teacher on intercultural awareness.
It had been more than a decade since my first lesson on proper eating etiquette in Indonesian culture. I remembered the day when curiosity got the better of me and I experimented with eating with my bare hands. I had noticed Sumami consuming her meals with her hands everytime and never once did she use her left hand. So on my first attempt, I used both hands to eat, thinking it could be more efficient. Recalling that now, it definitely looked barbaric, but it was efficient; two hands putting the rice and meat together at the same time. That was my first intercultural "blindness".
I did my first left-hand eating in front of Sumami as she was supervising me to ensure I consumed my meal on time. This is the next intercultural "blindness" on my part. Her initial reaction was a frown; a clear disapproval of my actions. At first, I thought it was because I looked too barbaric, so I tried to look more suave in my actions. But that didn't help. Luckily she was patient (or perhaps because I was a child), and she told me in malay that the left hand is dirty and I should only use the right hand if I want to adopt her style of eating. Next thing I did was to wash my left hand.
I came back to the food, held the plate with my right hand, picked up the rice and put it into my mouth, with my left hand. Again, Sumami insisted that I was doing it all wrong. At that moment, I probably felt what she said was ridiculous, since I had washed my left hand thoroughly, with soap and water. In the Chinese culture, there is no clean or unclean hand, so the only problem that I identified eating with the left hand was the difficulty in coordination, since I was right-handed. So I mischievously ignored her subsequent advice.
But Sumami's talking (she tends to speak loudly) attracted my mother's attention, and she came to the kitchen to find out what had happened. My mother grew up in a kampong and is all too familiar with the cultures of the Malays and Indians who lived together in close-knit villages. Seeing what I was doing, she stopped me from continuing my ignorance and taught me why I should be using my right hand only. Apparently, instead of feeling insulted, Sumami believed I was transferring filth into my mouth as I ate with my left hand and it was for my own good to stop the unpleasant action.
Indeed the left hand is considered filthy in cultures involving food consumption with bare hands. I had the chance to find out more in school while conversing with my Malay and Indian friends. The left hand is involved in ablution and should therefore be kept away from food.
Later as I grew up, I also understood Sumami's reservations for teaching me the underlying reasons behind the avoidance of the left hand in food consumption; she was new to the workplace (my family) and had to be careful not to violate any possible preference in the family regarding what children should or should not know.
I am grateful for her patience and tolerance.
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Dear Kian Leong,
ReplyDeleteNice to see a story very close to your heart. I just had a few comments on the grammar of a few sentences -
1) 'contrary to the believe that it was probably the first time children of different races get to actively interact.' - The tenses are out of place in this one. For a start, it would be 'Contrary to the belief that it is..' would probably work better.
2) 'in Indonesia culture' - Indonesian
3) 'attracted my mother's attention, so she came to the kitchen.' - This is an example of how a lot of us tend to translate how we speak into written communication. This sentence could be better put as 'attracted my mother's attention, and she came to the kitchen to check/find out'.
Just a few small language errors. I loved the story and the fact that the best place to begin learning is at home.
Cheers
Rohan
Dear Kian Leong,
ReplyDeleteI am sure this is a blessing in disguise. It will definitely look bad on you if you had eaten with your left hand in some restaurant!
However, in many Indonesian restaurants, diners are given the option to use cutlery by default. I was just thinking, perhaps restaurants could have remove the cutlery unless otherwise requested. Thus, not only can we enjoy the good food but at the same time, learn a part of other culture.
To be honest, I only learn of such eating habits only when I was around 16 years old and looking back, I am guilty of not observing other cultures for the first 16 years of my life. Hopefully, I can learn to be more culturally aware in the future.
Regards,
Godwin
Hi Kian Leong,
ReplyDeleteI, like Godwin, am guilty of not knowing about such cultural practices till a few years ago. I knew Malays and Indians eat with their hands; I have seen them doing so in food courts, eating places, etc, but it was only until recently that I found out that they specifically eat with their right hands and not left hands.
It is not that I do not care about other cultures. Rather, it is just that I did not find myself in situations that required me to go the extra mile to understand them. I was from a chinese-ed secondary school and coincidentally, in my JC class, there was only 1 Muslim student out of 20 plus of us. We often went out in cliques in JC and as a result, I did not have much opportunities to have meals with my Muslim classmate too. Hence, sad to say, for about 6 years, I barely made any friends of a different race. My point here is, I have realized, not only through our class on intercultural differences, but also getting to mix around more with people of other races in NUS, the importance of taking the extra effort to be a little more observant to learn more about other cultures. Awkward moments and conflicts can certainly be avoided as such.
So, to start off, I decided to do a little research. Adding on to your explanation about why Muslims prefer to use their right hand when eating, shaking hands, etc (because they use their left hand to wash themselves and hence find it unhygienic to use the left hand to eat, etc.), here is another reason I found from Wikipedia: “Muslims believe that on the "day of judgment" your good deeds will be represented in a book and in your right hand and your bad deeds also in a book will be in your left hand, therefore whenever Muslims do something they must do it first with their right hand then their left, even with such small things as putting on a shirt, so that they are forever reminded about the "day of judgment". “
Hi Kian Leong,
ReplyDeleteLiving in a multicultural society, we are constantly exposed to different cultural practices and perspectives. With a maid at home, I’m sure aunt Sumami taught you more than just different eating habits of another culture. Being exposed to such differences in culture from a young age, at a place close to your heart, I would assume that you will be able to learn better and be more sensitive towards such differences.
Thanks for this interesting observation of a behavior that is common in Singaporean society. In fact, many of us eat with our hands as you can see if you go to McDonald's. But the act of eating rice by hand is quite unique to South Asian communities such as those of the Indians, Malays and Indonesians. What I like about your story is the intimate nature of it, the fact that you were being introduced to this at home by a person from another culture. Indeed, your Auntie Sumami seems to have had infinite patience with you. And what a great learning experience for you.
ReplyDeleteThere is some lack of clarity in your telling, for instance, in this sentence: "It had been more than a decade since my first lesson on proper eating etiquette in Indonesian culture." Do you mean to say that this lesson took place 10 years ago? In that case, you shouldn't use the past perfect "had been" but the present perfect "has been."
Still, this is a fine description. Thanks for your effort, Kian Leong!
Dear Brad,
ReplyDeleteThank you for your comments!
I suppose the patience she had for me was because I was still very much a child back then.
Regarding eating using our hands, I think its actually quite an interesting experience. One gets to feel the food in all its form before putting into the mouth. In contrast, eating with cutlery removes this chance to "feel" the food you are about to eat. Its interesting to feel the food in my opinion.
Lastly, thank you for correcting my grammar!
Regards,
Kian Leong
Dear Jolene,
ReplyDeleteI suppose this time you have gone the extra mile to understand people of other cultures!
It can be difficult at times if you are not exposed to people of different races. You were in a Chinese-ed school and that was something you could not avoid. Essentially, our parents pick the spot where we begin our education experience. I am not saying it was their "fault". It was just how it went.
So besides going out to recognize the cultural differences of other races, I think the corresponding party should recognize that not everyone will know how to respect another's cultural beliefs. Compromising for one another is respectful.
There are a lot of reasons why people of different cultures do things in unique ways. In my opinion, regardless of what they do, as long as it is meaningful and, most importantly, does not compromise the fundamental value of life in a philosophical sense, then it is something we should respect.
While reading your post, my thoughts inevitably arrive on this idea. I thought it'd be good to share it.
Regards,
Kian Leong